My latest letter to Bill “The Sports Guy” Simmons
Simmons,
1) Did you see what Alex Smith wore during his press conference? After stepping up, having a respectable Tebow-ish game (in a good way) he comes out in some sort of “ironic” looking gas-station- attendant style shirt. Is that a bad sign? Can winning QBs dress like dudes into Pavement or is this evidence that the hipster athlete is starting to emerge? Athlete fashion has been hit or miss since the 70s when Walt Clyde and Namath were strutting their stuff. Maybe it’s getting cool again. Whatever. It’s San Francisco.
2) I wanted to write a long description of how your Patriots will lose to MY (yes I own them) Giants in less than two weeks. I’d describe a hard-fought game that’s almost a carbon copy of Super Bowl 42. Actually it starts to become 42, by the fourth quarter, it’s getting really spooky. The crowd, though predictably raucous, finds itself given pause. The Giants get the ball back with 2:39 seconds left, three minutes left, down 14-10! It starts to dawn on everyone - players, coaches, fans, BUT IT KEEPS HAPPENING. Instead of Toomer, it’s Cruz, but the catches are absolutely the same. A run by Jacobs on fourth-and-one. Kyle Arrington drops a potential game-winning interception. How is this happening? It just does. It’s as if the two teams are now part of some elaborate ritual. The teams MUST play their part. The Patriots head to the line, knowing what will take place, also knowing they cannot stop it. Two of your pathetic defenders have Eli in their grasp. He does it again. He does it again. He does it again. A pass that doesn’t deserve to be caught, IS CAUGHT, by an undrafted free agent the Giants signed in the off season - VICTOR CRUZ. It’s all over but the shouting. A few plays later Eli lofts one in the corner to Hakeem Nicks! You get the rest. It’s eerie. Stick that in your fucking “levels of losing.”
3) How would you feel? Dumbfounded? Breathless? Awestruck? Doesn’t matter. Cause I don’t think this will happen. Not even close. I think the Patriots are going to crush the Giants. Blow them out. It’ll be Rocky III. It’s revenge - earned revenge. So here’s an early congratulations. You guys will finally get win numero nineteen.
